Things fantasy books (almost always) get wrong about deer

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am writing, animals, deer, epic fantasy, fantasy books, wildlife, writing research

Hunting is a favorite pastime of various characters in fantasy novels. It was also, of course, a popular sport for the upper crust in medieval times. Because of this, hunts and their quarry have been frequently portrayed in literature and film, for better or for worse. Like hunting in general, which I covered last time, the favorite object of these hunts has been more than a little fictionalized.

For starters, deer are not defenseless Bambis.

Even a lot of hunters believe this one. The truth is, deer can kick (with the front or back), bite (yes, bite), and head butt you into the afterlife even without antlers. They are wickedly strong, even those that look spindly and thin, capable of dragging several times their weight and making grown men beg for mercy. (The only writer I’ve ever seen really explore this was John Marco with his battle-elk. But that was so awesome it almost made up for everyone else.)

They are not particularly smart.

Running and jumping are pretty much the extent of a deer’s strong suits. Though Arthurian lore and much resulting fantasy fiction often imbues deer (particularly stags) with oracular/prophetic qualities, they actually tend to be pretty dumb. They often have trouble getting out of any enclosure they can’t jump, which is problematic if they get stuck in your yard. (And you can’t try chasing them out unless you want to get trampled.) Really, brains are not their forte.

They don’t strictly go solo or in Mommy and Me pairs.

Deer can be spotted on their own or in herds of females with their young or in “bachelor groups” or with a buck and a bunch of does—really, there are a lot of different combos you can have. Yet most the time on TV and in books, I see they turn up either solo or as a doe and fawn.

Deer don’t always have huge freaking antlers.

This one could be tied into my second point up there. In reality, only the matured males have those gorgeous racks you see over fireplaces and turned into chandeliers. As a general rule, a buck’s antlers have one new prong each year, so a yearling will have just one prong (hence the nickname “spike”), a two-year old will have two, and so on. This means that most deer (considering predators and such) probably will only have a few prongs. (Bucks also lose their antlers after the autumn mating season, which is something else fantasy writers seem to forget.)

As someone who grew up with a running commentary of “in real life, they…” I can be a bit picky. (Thanks a lot, Dad.) Still I don’t see any harm in shedding light on the matter. The right dose of reality breathes life into fiction!

Things fantasy books (almost always) get wrong about hunting

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am writing epic fantasy, fantasy books, hunting, writing

I think it is a safe assumption that many fantasy writers have never been hunting in real life. Really, why sit in a stuffy deer blind with no AC or toilet for hours on end when you could be reading books and sipping tea in your favorite armchair?

When it comes to hunt scenes, most people don’t notice the common inaccuracies because they are pretty consistently incorporated across TV and books. However, if someone is looking to appease the tiny demographic of fantasy-reading hunters, these are the things I’ve noticed books most frequently get wrong about hunting.

And why would you WANT to kill this magnificent giant? I mean, look at him. By the laws of natural selection, he should live a nice, long life and the chance to have lots of equally pretty babies.

Game regularly comes in the size of midsize automobiles.

In truth, wild animals tend to be on the small side. The average wild boar, for example, will probably more resemble the dimensions of a Golden Retriever versus his overfed, domesticated cousin. (Unless a petty Greek deity is involved.)

Rabbits, pheasants, and other game are also pretty small, so just one of these is most likely not going to feed your group of five daring adventurers—unless they’re omnivorous pixies.

Things get notoriously messy when it comes to bagging birds. It’s the feathers. Feathers everywhere.

Insta-death.

It is one of the more icky realities, but the clean, tidy kills we get on TV and in books are more than a little censored. In reality, animals pretty much never die straightaway, especially if you’re using a bow and arrow. Even if shot perfectly through the heart, animals are still capable of running several hundred yards before collapsing and in some cases can continue thrashing for several minutes.

More than a little disturbing, but true.

Stalking vs. Lying in Wait

Writers really like having their characters go gallivanting off into the woods to stalk their prey instead of setting up a perch and waiting for unsuspecting prey to come along. But moving through the forest “unseen and unheard” is hard. Very hard. Actual hunter-gatherer peoples spend years and years learning to stalk effectively and it’s still not easy. Even the best hunters come home empty-handed quite often.

Wild bacon seeds can be plentiful at the right time of year, especially in areas with few natural predators, but even these brazen little piggies can be hard to pinpoint.

The forest is a 24/7 buffet.

One thing that bothers me is characters going off on hunts at random times of day, but nature is not your neighborhood Walgreens. Most animals only come out at dawn or dusk and hide for the rest of the day. Sure, you could theoretically go track them down, but it would take a long time and you’d have to basically be a freaking ninja as mentioned earlier.

In short, hunting is not nearly as glamorous or easy as we fantasy writers tend to make it sound. It’s icky and laborious and you’re probably better off just packing lots of lembas bread.

Things you DO NOT need to be a “good” character

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am reading, book recommendation call, character chat, fantasy books, taylor swift

It’s probably a bad idea to watch a movie with me. When I watch movies, I tend to criticize the character development and the writers’ standardized methods of relaying a character’s “strength.” I do it with books, too, there’s just usually no one around to hear me griping at my Kindle. There are five things that especially bug me, hence I have decided to whine about them in a blog post accompanied by Taylor Swift GIF’s because everyone likes Taylor Swift.

A temper

Tempers are not awesome. It is one thing to have righteous anger over injustice or cruelty, but quite another to overreact and resort to violence. Writers moved away from this one for a while, but I’ve noticed it coming back—mainly in female characters because men and women should be held to different moral standards (not).

A long list of ex-lovers

Some of my favorite characters of all time are, shall we say, romantically prolific, but the fact remains that being desired and/or sexually active are not the hallmarks of a strong persona! It’s okay to not have a significant other or regular one-night stands, but you wouldn’t know it by the way mainstream media handles it.

Modern literature and film seem to think it makes a character interesting, relying on sex as a plot device rather than using something crazy, like a storyline. There are plenty of shows I could list where if the writers weren’t allowed to incorporate sex involving the main characters, they would run out of material in about two episodes.

A tragic backstory

Tragic backstories are about as common as mud. I have used them quite often myself, but lacking some horror in your past does not make you any less of a character or your input to the story any less valid. Despite this, characters without tragedy in their pasts are usually portrayed as the naive innocent that gets killed first or gruesomely victimized, but that’s just a sign of lazy writing.

A set of fighting skills

I prefer for my own characters to have fighting skills (because fight scenes allow my inner ninja to play), but they aren’t necessary to a solid character—male or female. I wish I could find more portrayals where it’s okay to not be a warrior, but it’s been becoming rarer, especially in fantasy books.

A postmodern mindset

It may sound like a contradiction to some, but it actually is possible for one to believe in traditional gender roles without being sexist. It’s also possible to firmly believe in one’s own religion as the sole truth without hating others and I could go on. However, the characters who are more traditional in their views are generally cast in a negative manner, which is a travesty, because it is an incomplete picture of what real people with similar opinions are actually like.

And that wraps up my rant for the month, but there’s plenty more where that came from. 😉

(As a side note, if you guys can think of any fantasy books that defy these tropes, I’d really like to hear about them.)

Writing Update and Other News: May 2015

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am writing, book haul, fantasy books, writing update

Me seated before my laptop, listening to my writing music before writing.

Boo! Elisabeth here. I really need to stop making a habit of dropping off the face of the earth, but that’s what happens when a book release runs smack into midterms piled on top of a car accident (more on that in a moment) and then finals. But despite all that, I am still writing. Lord, yes, I’m writing.

On the Argetallam Saga front, we just had a wildly successful Facebook party to celebrate the re-release of The Key of Amatahns. It was a complete blast and I’d like to thank everyone again for showing up and hanging out with us. The Secrets of the Vanmnars is undergoing editing and cover design and should be making it’s big splash in the next few months. Yea!

My seven newest adoptive children.

The day before the big party, I went book shop hopping (it’s like bar hopping, but far more awesome) and brought home these new friends. Upon finding them, my middle brother proceeded to pick them up one at a time and read the final lines out loud. Since he values his life, he quickly stopped, but is almost excited as I am for when I’ve finished them and can tell him all about what happened.

That Epic Fantasy Romance quintet I’ve been (not-so) covertly working on is now at five books and I’m writing the last in the series. It seems I am a sucker for assassins and princes and demons and all that. I just can’t stop. At this rate, I’ll be working on the planned spinoff series before I graduate. (For better or for worse.)

I highly recommend “The Jackal of Nar” by John Marco to anyone seeking the emotional equivalent of a wood chipper.

Speaking of school, I was on my way to it just over a week ago when my half-ton truck argued with physics and physics won. Long story short, my baby has been totaled and I did cry, but no sentient beings incurred harm in the accident, so that’s the good news. I also have finals starting today, so that’s some bad (terrifying) news, but I have lots of writing and a good (gut-wrenching) book to get me through it.

I’ll be heading up to the Olympic Peninsula this week to visit relatives and I’ll hopefully finish the last book in that assassin series and get back to editing The Secrets of the Vanmars. Or the third Fanged Princess novella or maybe drafting the later books in those series. But it will be related to them, I know that, so good news for all you fans! As for me, I love Amira, but I’m very much looking forward to getting back to Haddie and Janir!